Understanding Financial Abuse: Learning From a Personal Journey

When I reflect on my past abusive marriage, financial abuse emerges as a tool that was wielded silently to control and confine. In those years, it was my name alone on the mortgage, yet he shared the deed. As the divorce loomed, his refusal to sign anything meant I couldn't sell, rent or refinance the house I paid for. I handled all the bills to safeguard my credit score, while his monetary earnings vanished into an inaccessible account.

Defining Financial Abuse

Financial abuse — a sometimes subtle yet pervasive form of domestic manipulation — involves seizing control over an individual's financial resources. This can manifest in myriad ways, from limiting access to money and hindering employment to coercing income surrender and sabotaging efforts to achieve financial stability. Perpetrators deploy financial abuse to maintain dominance, fostering an environment that makes escape challenging.

Common Tactics of Financial Abusers

It’s important to know how to spot financial abuse. Here are a few of the tactics you might see in financial abuse:

• Controlling Finances: Financial abusers dictate spending, monitor accounts and restrict access to funds, leaving survivors financially dependent and isolated. This can happen even when the victim is the one earning the money. The control can be even worse when the perpetrator is the sole earner in the relationship.
• Sabotaging Employment: Financial abuse perpetrators undermine job prospects, prevent attendance or cause job loss to maintain financial control. Many abuse victims are told they can’t work because they must take care of their spouse and their family.
• Forcing Debt: Accumulating debt in the victim's name jeopardizes credit scores, hindering independent financial stability. This can trap someone with debt that is not theirs and that they may not even know exists. This is why you should check your credit score regularly.
• Stealing or Withholding Money: Unauthorized access to funds, theft of belongings or refusal to contribute financially creates insecurity. An abuser might withhold access to bank accounts and give only a small monetary allowance to their partner, creating dependency on them.
• Economic Coercion: Threats of financial ruin or resource withholding manipulate victims into a cycle of fear and dependence. I’ve heard threats such as “You will never make it without me” and “You will be living on the streets.”

Impact on Victims

Financial abuse inflicts severe and enduring consequences, extending beyond finances and money. The psychological toll includes helplessness, anxiety and a diminished sense of self-worth. Financial erosion becomes a formidable barrier to escape, a journey that, in my case, required years with a therapist to muster the courage to leave.

Breaking the Silence

Addressing financial abuse necessitates awareness, education and collective action. Victims might struggle with recognizing and reporting abuse due to shame, fear or a lack of understanding. Open conversations about financial control and money within relationships are crucial in breaking the silence surrounding this issue.

How Can Society Combat Financial Abuse

• Raise Awareness: Public campaigns, educational programs and community initiatives shed light on the signs and consequences of financial abuse.
• Financial Literacy Programs: Equipping individuals with financial education enhances their ability to manage money independently, thereby reducing vulnerability.
• Support Services: Establishing and promoting support services, including helplines, shelters and counseling can help those affected by financial abuse.
• Empowerment Initiatives: Encouraging economic empowerment through job training, employment assistance and financial aid can help survivors rebuild their lives.

Financial abuse transcends socioeconomic boundaries. I always say if it could happen to me, then it could happen to anyone. Understanding its forms, raising awareness and implementing preventative measures are crucial steps toward dismantling the structures that enable financial coercion. Breaking the cycle necessitates a united effort with communities, policymakers and individuals coming together to empower survivors, fostering a society free from the shadows of financial manipulation.

If you are experiencing financial abuse, resources such as the National Domestic Violence Hotline can offer support.

If you are working to rebuild financially after experiencing financial abuse, a CFP® professional can help you create a financial plan. Find your CFP® professional today on LetsMakeAPlan.org. Even if you can’t afford traditional financial planning services, you may find helpful free resources or pro bono financial planning services through the Foundation for Financial Planning.