How to Discuss Estate Planning With Aging Loved Ones

Discussing estate planning with aging loved ones can be challenging. Whether it’s a parent, an adult child, or a friend, the sensitive nature of the topic can create uncertainty about where to begin.

To ensure a productive conversation, preparation is key. Whether you plan to initiate the conversation privately with family or with the support of a CERTIFIED FINANCIAL PLANNER® professional, approach these conversations with sensitivity, respect and a willingness to support. This helps your aging loved ones make informed decisions about their estate planning while ensuring their wishes are honored.

Our Money Stories — Establishing Trust

Start by establishing trust. Explain that discussing their future wishes now will enable you to advocate for them in emergencies and support their end-of-life decisions.

Respectfully ask about their money stories, beginning with open-ended questions such as: How did you first learn about money? What money story had the most positive influence on your life? What lessons do you still find valuable today? Understanding their views on and relationship with money can provide valuable insights about their current financial situation and their desires for the future.

Sharing one of your money stories is a good way to build trust as you navigate the delicate subject of estate planning.

Advocacy and Legacy — How We Lead and Leave Behind

As the conversation progresses, explain what being their estate planning advocate means to you and what it entails. Let them know your goal is to ensure their wishes are known, honored and respected when they cannot communicate them. Be empathetic, emphasizing that you want to help protect their healthcare decisions and financial future, but they are ultimately in charge of their decisions. Your role is to carry out their wishes. Also, ask what being an advocate means to them, as they may have priorities and concerns you are unaware of.

Some people believe you need a large amount of wealth to leave a legacy or engage in estate planning, but this isn’t true. A legacy is how we are remembered and is shaped by our thoughts, actions, experiences, talents, gifts, charitable contributions and monetary bequests in a will. Discuss how a legacy is created and ask for their input. Questions like “How do you want to be remembered?” and “What is your legacy?” can help guide the conversation. Be open to their ideas and respond creatively and thoughtfully. This will help keep the conversation going through tougher decisions later.

Formal Estate Planning — Gathering a Team of Experts

When discussing the legal documents and professional guidance needed for estate planning, consider working with a CFP® professional who can guide them through the process in collaboration with estate planning attorneys. These professionals can help draft essential documents such as a healthcare directive or living will, a general financial power of attorney, a will or trust, and a formal estate plan.

It's critical that legal documents accurately convey their wishes. While you may have concerns about their estate planning, remember their decisions are the priority. Offer support and assistance but allow them to make choices that feel right for them.

Family Meetings

Be patient and provide ongoing support as needed. Recognize that these conversations are emotional, especially if the family dynamic is complicated or non-traditional. Older adults who identify as LGBTQ+ may be estranged from their nuclear families. For these people their circle of friends often becomes their chosen family, taking on caregiving roles. Whether the family is openly communicative or experiences unresolved conflicts, a CFP® professional can facilitate these meetings to encourage transparency and smooth dialogue around estate planning. This proactive approach helps prevent misunderstandings or disputes between family members. It’s essential to discuss strategies with your loved ones to reduce potential future conflicts.

A family meeting agenda may include the following:

• Talking about your loved one’s wishes during incapacitation and end of life
• Discussing practical steps for managing daily affairs, such as handling bills and maintaining property when they no longer can
• Reviewing the estate plan documents, including a will
• Assessing the next steps of care — what is Plan B?

Follow Up and Follow Through

Once the estate plan is finalized, ensure everyone needing the documents has a copy. This could include primary physicians, assisted living facilities, advocates (successors and contingent advocates) and attorneys.

A comprehensive estate plan and will customized to your loved ones’ needs can help ensure that their wishes are properly carried out. A CERTIFIED FINANCIAL PLANNER® professional can help you through the process.

Content in this material is for general information only and not intended to provide specific advice or recommendations for any individual.

This information is not intended to be a substitute for specific individualized tax or legal advice. We suggest that you discuss your specific situation with a qualified tax or legal advisor.